IG Handle: @lyndsayreyes
If you looked at me today, January 15, 2018,
you would question my disclosure of battling an eating disorder.
I’m currently my heaviest I’ve been in years
I spend too much time looking at my flaws in the mirror and crying over self disappointment.
And guess what? It’s okay.
Recovery is not instant.
Recovery is not a one-time fee.
Every single day is a new challenge
for those who suffer from this demon.
My extreme weight yo-yo-ing has always made it difficult for others, even myself, to understand. Even at my lowest, most apparently sick weight, I still didn’t feel “sick enough” to actually have an eating disorder. I suppressed the idea of it for years, because I wasn’t “skinny enough” to be sick, Right?
When my first therapist asked me about my eating habits and thoughts,
I was immediately diagnosed.
It’s a mental process, not a physical appearance.
There are so many types of distortions in eating
and unfortunately society has dubbed one specific look
as the poster child of eating disorders.
We all have different bodies; different ways of handling our issues.
One recovering person may be their healthiest and still weigh 90 lbs.
One suffering person may be 160 lbs and purging 3 times a day.
I have fluctuated between the highs and lows
and all the while had the same sick mindset.
Through therapy and fellow recovering supporters, I have learned to accept that I may not like the way I look everyday, but it cannot stop me from continuing my life. I have not made it this far to prove to anyone that I have suffered for a long time. I am here to embrace the ups and downs, the tears and smiles. So long as I know that I’m in a better state of mind, I do not have to justify my appearance any longer.
The photo above is me genuinely happy, although I might have felt uncomfortable taking it at first. It’s unedited and it's real. It’s recovery.